Hello you Beautiful Souls!
First let me say, HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVES! I pray that this new year grants all of us everything that our hearts desire. May we be blessed with good health, peace, insight, love, happiness and more C R E A T I V I T Y!
Let's get right into it shall we? I have been on a hiatus. SO, what had happened was… back in February of 2022 I uploaded my annual season closer episode :Vibes...Moods & Moves - S2 EPI 5- Prt. 2. - Black History Month Reflections 2022 . At the time I planned to get new shows up later that Spring. Clearly that did not happen. If you are a regular Vibes…Moods & Moves (VM&M) listener, you have heard me mention technical issues. Well, those technical issues were very real, and very limiting. Not just for doing my Podcasts full out, but for music and media production across the board. Now granted, I could have cobbled something together. However, it would not have been the quality level that I would have been proud to share, and not the level of quality that ya'll deserve for a proper chat podcast. Granted, I wasn't totally down for the count. I did upload some really good episodes of VM&M's sister music podcast , SOUNDCHECK- Are you sound?, over on Mixcloud! (You can still check them out. But hurry or you will miss them as I will be putting SOUNDCHECK on hold until I can find a more suitable platform for it.) That show really helped me not lose my mind due to podcast withdrawal. It was much easier to fill an hour with music and light chat to express myself. Working with music is less tech heavy as I didn't have to mix a whole chat episode, just the little chat segments. Much less taxing on my hardware and software. As much pure JOY as that gave me, my intention was to get back to VM&M as soon as possible, and it just wasn't possible. With that said I set out on a mission to upgrade some of my rig. I anticipated a few months. Then that few months was six months. That six months became a year. That year became almost two years! Bottom line, upgrading fell to the bottom of my “To do” list because life started “Life-ing”! This is that point where one has to choose to do what you have to do first over what you want to do. Was it an easy choice, well yes! Family first!
I'm a very private person. But to say that my time away from VM&M, and several other projects, has been life changing… would be a serious understatement. I wrote a lyric many moons ago:
Time has a way of making life strange
Time has a way of causing insecurity
And as it passes each day, I lose more sense of space…
Excerpt from -"Sense of Space" c. 1998
Well, those lines pretty much cover how six months turned into nearly two years, and it feels like no time has passed. Yet at the same time so much life has happened! So much change. It's a rather surreal state of existing. But it is what it is. There is one fact about life for all of us. It doesn't matter how much money you do or don't have…who you know…how pretty you can make your life appear to be…how much you win or lose…life is going to do what it does. There will be moments when you can control situations and circumstances. At the same time, there will be more times when you cannot. That is a fact. It would be nice to be able to control all of the variables in our lives. I would love to snap my fingers and have a few million in my bank account. I would love to wiggle my nose and drop fifteen pounds. More than that, I would give anything to take away pain and illness from those I love the most. But I can't. I would move heaven and earth to guarantee that suffering due to aggressive medical treatments had a 100% desired outcome of fully restored health. Again, I can't make that happen. None of us can. All we can do is pray, lean into our faith and hope for all of the best possible outcomes while being present in the moments so you don't miss the laughs, hugs, and LOVE. Life is life for all of us. Life happening in ways we cannot anticipate, like the need and want to give and receive love, is universal. Everyone understands love. And that love is what makes some of what life throws at us so much harder to process as we move through our time here in these bodies.
As I get older, I find it easier to let certain things go. I have a greater capacity for forgiveness and acceptance. But I also have zero tolerance for wasting time, words and energy on people and things that do not add to my joy or edify my being in some way. I don't hold on as tightly to people and things as a I used to. Being in that place also creates a few challenges. To really own it you have to be willing to make moves that may also bring some chaos and stress into your life. However, when you reach that place of understanding that some things just have to happen for your betterment, you do what you gotta do. Truth is, for me, if there is already chaos and stress present, at the least the added madness is now reclassified to temporary. To do nothing to resolve the matter is to be complicit in your own misery. Who needs it? Not I!
Navigating the changes and ups and downs that come with trying to reclaim your life while also navigating uncharted emotional territory within the norms of your life… it's nothing short of exhausting. This is where I am grateful to have gotten comfy with acceptance. Patience…I'm still working on that! But the fact that I'm still standing and ready to lay some new foundations while returning to production on several fronts indicates that I've gotten much better with being patient. At one point I felt like “what's the point to coming back?” so much time has passed. Then I checked my podcast analytics and to my surprise VM&M was still being subscribed to and downloaded! In that moment I felt like, if people are still listening…if the old VM&M global collective are still out there sharing it with others and haven't forsaken me…then I can ride this out and come back the right way. That sentiment also extends to my music, writing and mixed media projects.
I must say, it feels so damn good to be back in the zone! It's amazing how all of it really is like riding a bike! I took the time that I needed for ME. And ME is not all about me. Our lives are interwoven with others. To be selfish with your care and presence where and when you are needed is an ugly way of being. But the trick is finding that balance. I'm finding it more and more day by day. Look, I've never been at the threshold of fifty years fierce before. So I , perhaps like you as well, am learning this new phase of life. It's very different! We are older, for those of us who are blessed enough to have aging parents…our relationships with them are different as well. If you know, you know what I mean. It is a profoundly loving, and humbling experience to not be just a parents pride and joy, but now their “Person”. Meanwhile we're going through our own midlife revelations. The way we socialize, prioritize careers, wellness, and interests are different. Our life needs are not the same as when we were in our 20's, 30's and early and mid 40's. As of last month, I am heading out of my forties. So I guess for me this emotional, mental and spiritual growth spurt was bound to happen! If you haven't gotten here yet, you will! And when you do, you will find that the stretching of these particular metaphorical bones, they ache at times. The ache of this growth is no different than when we were in the throes of our actual puberty's . We eventually got sorted and moved on and continued to develop into the adults that we are. That took time. As does this stage of life, this era is no different. Just, this one feels like more of a reset for me. A reset of how I see myself and those in my life as well as the things I put my time, energy, creativity and loving care into. The priority lineup is different now, as are the “why's" behind the things I'm choosing now. No matter, the bottom line is that I'm choosing ME, and what I deem important, joyful and precious personally and professionally. I may not be able to control everything. However, I can set some things into motion that I can get down with on my own terms. It took me a long time to get here to the balance of acceptance,patience, being present for others but not absent from my own wants and needs. I choose to challenge myself further,while committing to continued cultivation of the balance being established in this new phase of life. In doing so, I am also choosing to show up for YOU, whoever you may be that is even remotely interested in me and what I do.
I have so much more to share! And I will be doing that right here in my new Blog! I will archive my old posts for anyone who may wish to read them. But in the spirit of this reset, I'm starting fresh! I will also begin uploading BRAND NEW episodes of Vibes…Moods & Moves , shortly! And being that you are reading this, that means you are on my newly updated website, and quite possibly listening to whatever sonic bits I have playing on the site-wide music-player right now! I will get into more about that in the coming days, weeks and months. So, I hope you take my hand and continue to ride with me on this wild joy-full, honest, and very real creative journey into this new chapter. It's bound to get interesting in the best ways possible!
Stay connected and stay tuned! Welcome 2024, the year of the RESET!
Much Love & Light ALWAYS,
PS…RESET and REST, go hand in hand. Just sayin…
Soundtrack for this post:
DUH! On of my old SOUND CHECK episodes! It's so cold on this 1st day of 2024 that I was day dreaming about being at the beach! So I pulled up : Beach Day Musings . But for good measure for the new year, you might dig the NYE 2022 into 2023 episode too, Heart's Resolutions .